A Bittersweet Night in La la land

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers.  A quick review and some thoughts I had in mind while driving under the “city of stars”. lol. 😛

Love does not always win. Fast forward to 5 years after Mia (Emma Stone) & Sebastian (Ryan Gosling) where both of them achieved their goals while they long for each other. You’ll think that Mia had moved on since she has a kid with his new beau but we all have seen it in the last part of the movie in the bar where Mia and Sebastian gazed to each other with their lonely eyes. Mia chose to walk away and followed her beau. It seems that the two of them chose career over love and it led them to the right way. They’ve both achieved what they wanted in life but not in love. To be fair, they showed the “what could’ve been” parts if ever Mia and Seb got together. Continue reading “A Bittersweet Night in La la land”

Trip to Ikea, Some Life Lessons & Current Room Set up

The Story:

I was a young student way back when my sister and I had to live alone in a condo. There was no one except us. I have to do the cleaning, maintaining the house, taking care of the bills, cooking and so much more. I did not find it hard for me because I am enjoying myself doing things on my own. (not to mention about having no curfews). One thing that I enjoyed the most is doing decoration in our own space. I get to decide which will go on this place and which will not. Although sometimes my sister nags me about this unusual addiction of hoarding stuff to design our space, it really made me feel contented and fulfilled. I’d rather buy furnitures than make up. I remember those times when I’m done at school, I always go to shops that sells affordable furnitures. Way back in my homeland, we have this huge market called Continue reading “Trip to Ikea, Some Life Lessons & Current Room Set up”

Hide And Seek

We’re standing across the room, but it feels like we’re the only two people in that room. We’re both in conversation with other people, but it doesn’t matter, because I am not listening. Not really. I just steal one quick glance and feel the moment. For only God knows when will I be able to feel the warmth of your smile again.

 

As Long As It Lasts

I always yearn for  you, every inch of you. Whether we run out of things to talk about, or words to say, it seems right whenever it’s you. I need to feel your presence. I want to feel you near. You are my vice, my only vice. It’s ironic how you destroy me inside at the same time lift my spirit up.  I was never empty of you and your memory. Never for a moment, not an instant, neither a single second. Continue reading “As Long As It Lasts”

Know What You Want

When we finally get the things we want in life, we will suddenly realize that we really didn’t needed these things. You may have everything you wanted in life but you will still feel emptiness inside. You’ll crave for a fulfillment that money cannot buy.

You’ll start to search for something that sets your soul on fire. Something that  makes you want to do stupid things. Something that gives a smile on your heart in your every waking day. Something that inspires and motivates you. Something that changes you for the better. Something that could fill the emptiness you have inside. Continue reading “Know What You Want”

À chaque fou plaît sa marotte

tonight, i let my eyes burn

tonight, i let my self drown.

even if it’s painful in the eyes,

even if its killing me inside.

My heart was singing too loud,

too loud i almost forgot the reality.

My mind was so high with your voice,

so high that i almost forgot to wake up in my dreams.

how foolish am i to believe in such fairytales,

when i was never even a character in your book.

this is what i wanted,

Maybe this is what i deserve. Continue reading “À chaque fou plaît sa marotte”

The Wolf and The Moon

Those eyes with glowing fire,
It’s beauty as much as I try to deny.
Stolen glances, dismissive smile,
grasping for my breath  just for a little while.
Just like the moon, like a star,
I can only see him from afar.
And I am nothing but a wolf,
who’s secretly fond of the moon.

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The Best Form of Love

“You cannot give what you do not have.”

 I started to fall for someone, rather, infatuated at a very young age. Nobody taught me what was the difference between love and infatuation then. Labeling it was not important. For me, all I know is that this person was the center of my school days, everyday. I can still remember every time I gaze up on him without being noticed. I was not a stalker but maybe a die-hard fan of someone who is just an ordinary person on anybody’s eyes. For me he was so special. Days passed, we both grew up and my feelings was given a chance. Everything went fast but just like a summer love kind of story, everything was shattered into pieces. It was very emotional for me.  After that first outbreak of romance, It seemed like I experienced different kind of whirlwind romance on and on. They all gave me thrills, they all caused me tears but I knew deep inside that they were all different.

“There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice.”

                                                                                                                            F. Scott Fitzgerald

In the end, I thought, why do we all need to compare? Why do we usually resent the one who hurts us the most? Maybe because we don’t want our ego to be stepped on just like that? So, who did we really chose to love in the first place? Why are you hurting in the first place? Is it just because that someone hurt you or is it because you choose to love yourself? Why you are crying with that heartbreak? Because you thought you deserve someone better than him. You knew that he is not the right guy and yet you fell for him or maybe you both have the mutual love that everybody’s looking for but the timing is just not right. You can have all of the reasons in the world but in the end, the reason you are crying is because of him.

The only time you know you have moved on and let go is when you don’t blame someone for your feelings except for yourself. You stop acting like a child and start to take responsibility of your actions. Little by little you will realize that the love you’ve had whether it is your first love or you thought it’s ought to be the greatest is not the kind of love you think it was. What’s good about heartbreaks is in this phase, you start to love yourself. You started from bitterness and eventually you’ll come at a point to choose whether to forgive that someone who hurt you, or just forget everything and start anew or do both. Both of them are not easy. But whatever you do, whatever you choose, you should know that every single thing you do is not ONLY bounded between him and you. Most importantly, you do these things for yourself. So, when someone will ask me what is the best form of love, I will answer “Loving yourself is the best kind of love”.

Forgive yourself, accept yourself, love yourself.

 

Why Do People Seek Change

         “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old but on building the new”

Socrates

   No matter how good or bad things are going, people constantly seek for change. Sometimes, we need change but often people tend to change even though they don’t need it.

  1. Wanting something more. We as human beings always want something better. Got the latest phone model? After a month or two, there’s gonna be a new model that you are going to dream about. You have to have that phone and of course you will buy it. The cycle goes on and on. It is like an addiction. It is natural in human behavior to crave to be the “best”. No matter how nice or how pure you are, there is at least one time that you thought your grass should be the greenest among all.  And then you’ll come across someone having a lot greener grass than yours. We do always look at the better. And most of the times, wanting something more lets you end up with the worse.
  2. Fed up of literally everything. There will be one of those days where you will feel you’ve had beyond enough. Whether from work, personal life, financial or social, or any aspect of life. You will feel tired and all of your energy sucked up. You literally feel nothing and then the idea of the need to change comes in. You’ll do something beyond unthinkable that might save you from your own pit of misery.
  3. The need for sense of control over your life. Who does not want to be in control? To live your life with control is a deep human being need. When you are in control, you feel a lot much safer because you feel less harm can be inflicted to you. This sense of control satisfies people of their needs.

“A loss of the comfortable state of harmony that we seek has been defined as shift towards either chaos or rigidity”

                                                                                                                              Siegel (2008)

Whenever we feel everything is out of control, everything seems to be in chaos. On the other hand, if there is sense of control, we feel powerful.

4. People just get bored. Sometimes, People reinvent themselves to get out of boredom. People seeks its way out of his mundane existence. Why? Because they are just bored. People wants everything in a snap of a hand. People are in for “instant” stuff. Most of the people are addicted on being spontaneous just to break the routine that they are having. Come to think of it, time is so slow when you are bored, right?

At the end of the day, it is up on the individual if that change might be beneficial or not. For sure, as cliche as it may seem, one thing that remains is change is inevitable.

I ride alone but it never felt lonely anymore.

“There’s nothing more freeing and empowering than liking your own company.”

Almost everybody in their quarter life has a fast-paced lifestyle. No me-time, no time for this and that, schedule’s too crowded, always on the go, fast food sometimes is the best choice for meals, no time to be alone and at peace. I don’t know about you but i really value my solitude, a time for me, myself and I. I feed my soul by reading books (esp. Elizabeth Gilbert’s), I cherish the quiet times away from traffic noise and pollution but sometimes, due to external factors such as work, school, different occasions/holidays, paper works and errands, I slowly lost my inner peace. I noticed that I am slowly becoming a robot that do nothing except going with my everyday routine. I did not had enough time for my self. My thoughts are becoming meaningless. That was my problem until one night came and I rode the subway as i go home. Nothing uncanny or special happened. It is my same world of mundane every single day. But at that night as I go home from work, I suddenly wanted something new that could happen right away. I craved for a change. So, when I rode the subway, I tried to sit on the floor. Nothing special eh? People always do that. But for me, that was so special because it was my first time to do that and it was a little bit awkward for me ’cause I am not used to sit like that in public places. But I did. To satisfy the cravings of change I had within me.

“If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never be truly fulfilled.”

My subway ride usually takes 15 minutes from home to work and 30 minutes from home to school. I never thought that I spend to much time in commuting. As I sat on the train floor, first thing that i felt was a great relief. After a long tiring day, I got a chance to relax. I realized it is more comfortable to sit on the floor than on a chair inside the train. I don’t have to mind other people’s elbows bumping on mine. I don’t have to pretend that I am sleeping just because sometimes it makes me feel awkward sitting in their with other people’s face right in front of my face. I don’t have to sit up straight and avoid getting too much space because other people beside me might feel uncomfortable. I suddenly felt I don’t need to worry about other people. I sat in the floor, relaxed, feet crossed and minding my own business. I read a blog post about Zaha Hadid and her works (Godbless her soul). I drank my cup of coffee, listened to my earphones. And then I caught myself daydreaming. It is funny because I am a loud,talkative,outgoing person but I really enjoy being alone. For the first time, I never have to worry about other people anymore. I realized, this is a perfect way of having my long time craving, my “me-time”. As I walked on my way home, I had a fulfilling sigh.. I am thankful for that subway ride because I felt complete and had a grip on “me” again after a long time.

True and lasting inner peace can never be found in external things. It can ONLY be found within. And then once we find and nurture it with ourselves, it radiates outward.

– Buddha

First Trip To Forever?

Is it really important to travel with your S.O. before tying the knot?

The best-EST part of long distance relationship is the time that you’re gonna be able to finally get together with your beloved one after those long long, never- ending, almost unbearable lonely nights. After one year of longing (&skyping), i finally got the chance to have a 2-week vacation  in spite of my tight schedule due to school and work. One thing that i hate about going home is that there are plenty of things to do and many appointments to make but you only got limited time. In my case, I tried to squeeze all of my time in doing my errands and the last thing that I have to do before going back home is getting a vacation slash breather after these tiring errands. So me and my partner decided to go out of town and spend some time alone together. This experience is really important for us because it was our first long trip together. I’ve read some articles before in the internet that you really don’t know your partner  unless you both have traveled together.

“I have found out there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.” – Mark Twain

At the end of our trip, I just realized that i should have traveled with him before we got married. loljk 🙂 We’ve been together for almost three years when we decided to get married. Everything is fast paced. Everyone’s having their opinion but we did not mind. We just focused on ourselves in making big decisions. In our journey, i just realized that I tied a knot to the  kind of man that is fit for me. Marriage is not all about love. There will be times that you’ll both get a bumpy ride but that’s okay as long as you both know how to hold onto each other during these though times. As we travel, we realized some things that we could relate for the enhancement of our relationship. You’ll learn to compromise on things. Every time you go backpacking, you both need to make decisions whether it may be small things like what to eat, where to eat, what time to leave, where to go next etc or to big decisions like financing. We learned to compromise, we learned to listen to each other’s ideas.

In your adventures, you’ll learn how to deal with each other. When you travel for a long time with your partner, there’s a chance that you’ll gonna notice some negative traits of your partner like the way he snores at the middle of the night, or, how it bums you when he or she asks you to perform proper hygiene before hitting the sack when you thought all your life that you’ve been doing it right. It will annoy you, yes it will but in the end you’ll see yourself not being forced by the things he or she wanted to be done but you’ll learn how to accept things. You both deal with things.

Traveling with your partner is really a great experience. You’ll have a memory to cherish forever but not until you face some circumstances that may ruin your supposed to be best days and nights. When you go out of town and suddenly something happens that is not part of the plan, you are not going to ditch your partner. You will both deal with it (sometimes not as a mature person) but both of you will get there. Both of you will learn to make it work.

Just like traveling, you have a choice to travel alone but you choose your S.O. to be with you even without having any assurance that it will work the way you planned it. 

Mermaids rescued my soul.

There was freedom in this place. The touch of the wind feels liberating as i reached for it.
My palms were wide open as i embraced the uncertainty of my stay.  I  soon began to curl my toes underneath where the sand follows my movement. Soon enough bigger and bigger the waves came. The water tasted salty,not exactly the same from the  familiar salt that usually my mom uses whenever she cooks. I hear the laughter fading into the background. I hear the mermaids calling my soul. Continue reading “Mermaids rescued my soul.”

I Choose You.

I will never regret this day that i chose you,

over those ex-lovers who really didn’t know me well.

Over those times i thought you forgot  the meaning of “us”,

over those nights you thought i am willing to let go.

I will never regret this day that i chose you. Continue reading “I Choose You.”

How Silence Calms our Soul

Spending time alone allows us to develop more meaningful relationships not just with others but within ourselves as well. “To be fully human we need relationships with other people, with the nonhuman world, and with our own inner depths. In solitude we have the opportunity to explore all these domains of relationship” (Kull, 2008, p. 319).
Our brain is wired to connect. People are often drawn to things in related with socialization as if it is a physiological need. Everyday we are preoccupied to socialize to the extent that meaningful relationships and real connection are slowly fading away in the background.

(headlights. photo taken at metro manila using d5100 nikon)

We always keep in touch with others yet we forget to keep in touch with ourselves. In order to have a meaningful relationship with others, we first must have a deeper connection within ourselves. Solitude offers time for us to be emotionally aware of ourselves and our feelings for us to be able to cultivate deeper relationships.

WHOSOEVER DELIGHTED IN SOLITUDE IS EITHER A WILD BEAST OR A GOD

– Aristotle

Continue reading “How Silence Calms our Soul”